My True Happiness

Sunday, March 2, 2008


I ran, I hid, I tried to allude, but in the end it found me, pounced and pinned me to the ground. Not a pretty site. If you've never been pounced on by the loser monster, feel very lucky. It's not something I wish on anyone :)

So here I lay under the huge weight of this ugly monster, wracking my brain to figure out how to move this huge beast off of me. For the life of me I have not been able to figure it out (I do think I have been able to move up to my hands and knees because I can joke about it now).

Think of when Mr. Incredible was running out of the "secret computer room", and was getting pelted with those little, black, rubber balls. They kept growing until even Mr. Incredible wasn't strong enough to keep going. I had every aspect of life come at me all at once, latch on, and blow up into such huge weight that I couldn't stand up any longer.

I'm not proud I let it all get to me, in fact I think that is one of the badges that the monster is proudly wearing . Come to think of it, it looks pretty good in all of the badges it has pinned to it's chest. There are many. I know there are many people going through much worse things then me, and handling it much better (another badge). I have looked around, and I know I am so blessed, but still can't hardly breath (I think I see that one pinned next to the "Horrible Mother" badge. Oh nope, it's next to the "Can't get anywhere on time" badge).

Finally to get through the day I had to shut down. I couldn't talk to anyone, didn't want to go any where or see anyone. Only because I seemed to disappoint everyone I saw. "Sorry we can't do this" or "I meant to call, and forgot" or "We can't have friends over today. We have to be able to see the floor before friends can come over" or "I really wish I could, but can't" or "No we are still not done with the house. Would you quit laughing?" or " I know I should be doing this, but my goal was to get out of bed today, and not go back until bedtime. And that was about all I can handle today". I could go on. . .

Anyway, it's a miserable, yucky place to be. I really never thought that I would be here, and had always hoped I could handle life. Not really the case right now.

It is a heavy, depressing monster to be carrying around. I hope to one day be rid of it, but the longer it stays on, the less I feel like I can be rid of it.

If any one has been pounced on, and been able to get rid of this ugly monster, I could use a few pointers ;)

For anyone else . . . It seems to be pretty attached to me, so you won't have to worry about it finding you and pouncing anytime soon:)

And, once (or if) I figure out how to coax it off my back, I can only hope to help others rid themselves of the monster as soon as possible.

. . .

I meant to post sooner, but my computer has been acting up. It keeps "timing out" when ever I have tried to post or comment on anyone else's. I have tried to comment, but can't. So please don't think I don't care. I don't want to add that badge to the pile. I have run every test I have, but still can't get my computer to work well. I will keep trying.
And I can't get my spell checker to work. Sorry to all of the English pros out there. My grammar and spelling really stink.