My True Happiness

Thursday, August 30, 2007


I just have to say "Thanks" to those who have left comments. Lynette, Cindy, and Tatlyn, it was really good to hear from you. That is why I wanted to start doing this. I don't get out much, so I don't get to see friends and family as much as I want. This is a way to let you know what we are up to. Your comments help me to know that you care too. So, thank you. It means a lot to me.


School finally started on Tuesday. We were all so ready. I'd had friends with older kids that would keep saying that they couldn't wait until school started. I never really understood what they meant until this year. By the first of August, summer was wearing off. They whined about everything, didn't want to do anything, were never satisfied, and were hungry ALL THE TIME. I got to the point that if I had to wash another full load of plastic plates, cups, etc. after just one meal,I was going to scream. OK, I think I did scream a few times anyway. I always remember the electricity in the air just before school started. It was so exciting. The air would turn a little cooler, and I was just ready for the change. I do miss that, and I think that I why I have never really cried when I have had to send them. I am too excited for them to cry. There are times I wish it was me.
But OH, how time flies. Kenadee started 4th, yes 4th grade. Ashtyn is in 1st. It seemed like Kenadee would never start school, then when she did, the years have flown by. I have friends with kids in High School. They were the size of mine just yesterday. CRAZY!! Now I really do sound old. UGH! And was I the good mom and got tons of pictures? Nope, no film :( I guess now I'll just have to get "A few days after the first day of school" pictures.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


It's been a few days since I could write. I was a little preoccupied. My Friend had brought over all three of Stephenie Meyer's books a week ago. They had been sitting there calling to me. After a week, I gave in. Sunday night I had a little extra time, so I was going to sit down and read a few chapters. Well, a few chapters turned into a few more, and a few more, and at 5:30 Monday morning I finished the first book. Can I just say "WOW"!! It was breathtaking. If your husband, boyfriend, whatever is not as romantic or passionate as you would like, you should not read this book. You could end up pretty mad at him. If you still want to read a great love story, the kind that stir up old feelings, you have to read it.

Needless to say, I had to start the second one. I did get a couple hours of sleep before I started. My problem is, when I love a book, I can't put it down. I have to finish. They also affect my mood for that day. I wish I could separate it, but I can't. It's like when I have a bad dream, there is a dark cloud over me the next day. Anyway, book two. It really made me mad. I won't spoil it, but the reason I had to keep reading was because it had to change the direction it was going at some point. The whole story could not end up WRONG! In the end it ended up OK, but I was still so frustrated.

Tuesday night I had to start book three. It would have been sooner, but the insulators were coming to the house on Wednesday, and we had a lot we had to get done. By this time, all of my other duties were piling up too. Kyle was giving me the "scowl". He doesn't understand at all. I had to finish. Book three was not as bad as book two, but still sometimes WRONG! When I finally finished, I felt WEIRD. I don't know how else to describe it. I still can't figure out exactly why I feel that way or what exactly it is I am feeling. I was relieved to see there will be another book in that series. She could not have left it the way she did. I can't quit thinking about it. In the end, they were still amazing because they affected me, and I guess that is the sign of a great book.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

I was just getting ready to go to bed, when I read through all of that crap I just wrote. Forgive me, it is late. Here are a few more of my favorite pictures. This might help lighten the mood.

The first three were in Florida in 2003. The one time my husband decided to come along.

This is Christmas 2004.

Why do we seek perfection?

Can you tell that in my life as a hermit, I sit around and think up questions? OK, I don't sit around. I think in between cleaning up spilled milk and cheerios, or trying to remember how to divide, or while driving to some sort of practice. I have to talk to myself to stay sane. Wait -- isn't that what crazy people do? ANYWAY ...
My newest question - Why do we seek perfection? Please anyone with any sort of feeling on this subject, let me know how you feel. Do you think we would seek perfection so desperately if we didn't know what it felt like to be perfect? If you had never tasted chocolate cake, would you long for it, or crave it? Our bodies and ourselves now, as "natural men", can't even fathom perfection. I think that our souls remember what it was like to be perfect. I think we long for that feeling again. I think that is why it is so hard on us not to be perfect. If we don't know what it feels like, why are we so disappointed when we fall short? We should be content just being. Right????
Maybe the trick is to feel perfectly about being imperfect, knowing that one day perfection will come.
Ok, now everyone is going to think I have gone mad. Kyle just rolls his eyes whenever I try to talk to him about this :)

Silly Baby!

I have to laugh at Avrie. She is such a touchy-feely baby. Emily, your story about Olivia and the red cape reminded me of this. I had to post it, or I would forget about it.
My other girls have liked their blankies, or binkies, or dolls. Avrie loves it all, and in the weirdest ways. Every time I put lotion on her, I have to squeeze some in between her toes. Even when I am in a huge hurry, she screams if I don't do it (yes I know, she screams and gets what she wants).
Then when she goes to bed, she has to have a corner of her blanket in her hand. She takes it and in a circular motion, rubs her eyes ... then her nose...and last her ears. Now it can't be just any corner of her blanket, it has to be the corner where she has pulled apart the stitching. There is a little piece of thread sticking up where she has made a hole in the binding. She can stick her finger in that hole, and start tickling her face.
As far as smells go, she has to smell everything I put on her. She will take the bottle of lotion, take a long whiff, and let out an eyes closed "aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh". I do hope as she gets older, she sticks to sniffing lotion and not anything else!
And then there's the "MIA". One night as I was putting her to bed she was screaming "Mia! Mia!" She usually goes to bed really well, so I was a little disheveled. She kept crying and pointing. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what she wanted. I had to finally get her out of the crib so she could get it herself. She immediately ran over to the binkie that was laying on the floor in the corner. She picked it up, put it in her mouth (no, I didn't wash it off. She's baby #3), and said with a giggle "Mia". She then went straight to bed without another peep.
Oh, by the way, I have the answer to my laundry question. I need to quit blogging and get some laundry done!!!! I also can't wait to have a storage room in the new house. I'm not excited for a couch or bed (ok, maybe a little), I am so excited to have a storage room.

Never say Never

I had a few "nevers" that came out of my mouth in my younger years.

1 - I was NEVER going to get married before I graduated college.
2 - I was NEVER going to marry anyone from the valley.
3 - I was NEVER moving back to the valley.
4 - I was NEVER going to have kids right after I got married.

For those of you who know me, you can have a good laugh because 3 out of 4 of those "nevers" actually happened. Yes. . . I've had to choke on most of my words. I got married a year after high school, to Kyle (from the valley), and we now live in the valley. But we did wait 3 years to have kids after we got married.

So, if that is how that works. How about this - "I NEVER want to be happy, healthy, wise or wealthy."

Wednesday, August 22, 2007


When you have a full load of laundry in every color of the rainbow - plus black and white - what does that mean? Too many clothes. . . too many kids. . . not staying on top of it? Probably some of each :)
I do have to say that one of the things that I am most excited about in the new house is a brand new, extra large, washer and dryer. Who would have ever thought that would be the thing I covet?

Photo Shoot

After Avrie was born, a good friend gave me a book on how to photograph your children. I had such good advice, and I was so pleased with the outcome. I am still posting "older" pictures because I have yet to make the transition to a digital camera. My other camera is so good, I can't yet afford a digital camera that takes as good of pictures. One day. I'm getting closer and closer to making the change. It's a big pain to have to get the film developed, and I think my camera is on it's last leg.

Avrie's blessing dress was so pretty, but she HATED it. She screamed the whole time she had it on (which was about 3 minutes). I finally got her to sleep - without the dress on - then I just kinda wrapped it around her. The day we blessed her, she barely made it through the blessing before we had to ditch the dress!

Monday, August 20, 2007


We have been lucky enough to get to go to Florida twice. These are some pictures of when we went in June 2006. I have 12 years of pictures to post, so I'll try and spread them out. We have stayed at the Amelia Island Plantation both times. When we went in 2003, it was the first time I had ever been to the beach. I fell in love at first sight. The girls did too. Usually whenever we ask them where they want to take a little vacation they say "Florida". They don't yet understand the concept of "little". I do hope we can make it back sometime. It holds a special place in my heart. Call me crazy, but I like to think that I was on the "Florida Planning Committee" up in heaven. On this trip, Kyle and Avrie stayed home. His idea of fun is not a week at the beach. We loved every minute of it. Our favorite drink at the Plantation ... Oreo Smoothies. I've tried to make them here, but they just don't taste the same.

These I took one night after dinner. I was so glad I had my camera on hand.

They were content to play in the sand all day.

Besides beautiful beaches, they had 3 fabulous pools.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Ok my friends of the "older" generation, look down the right side of the page. Do you see how many friends I have with blogs? ONE! Lets step it up and show these youngins that we can be techy(I don't know if that's a word) too. Come on, I know you can do it. Help me get more than one blogging freind!


Avrie, our two year old, already has great comedic timing. One day Kenadee was having a pretty cranky day. I was trying to be the good mom, and help her realize that her attitude makes a lot of difference in how her day can be. She tends to be a lot like me and doesn't want anyone telling her how to feel. My attempts to help her feel better were fading fast. I finally said "Today isn't a sad day, it's a happy day. Even if we feel sad, we have to try and make it a happy day." She just looked at me, rolled her eyes, and buried her face in her arms. Just then Avrie (who we didn't know could really talk at the time) leaned over to Kenadee, cocked her head and said - with a happy nod "Happy Day!" No one in their right mind could resist that cute little voice putting them in their place. Needless to say, Kenadee busted up laughing, and it ended up being a happy day. It still works. When ever anyone is sad, we remind them about the day Avrie told Kenadee to have a happy day. It always makes us laugh. Thanks goodnes for babies.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

The Road Less Traveled

Not very long into my adult life, I came to a fork in the road. Deciding which path to take would affect me for eternity. This was not a decision that I wanted to make at this point in my life, but for some reason I had to. One road was pretty much like the road I had been on, the other veered off almost perpendicular to the road I was on. After a lot of soul searching, I decided that I need to take the road less traveled. So, holding my breath, I took a huge leap of faith and stepped onto the foreign road. I had faith, that because I was doing what I was suppose to, I would be blessed. I just didn' t realize at the time that being "blessed" meant being blessed with some of the hardest experiences I would have to go through. The road I chose has tested me to the breaking point. I wish I could say that I conquered those dark and scary parts of the road with a single leap, standing tall and proud, untouched by the obstacle. But most of the time I barely made it through. I usually emerged one hand in front of the other, crawling on my stomach with tear stained cheeks, wounded severely by the battle. I had been ashamed for a long time that I could not conquer my problems with a single bound. I now realize that through the times that I nearly failed, that is when I had to dig the deepest. I had to really search for the fight in me, and realize that I still believed. I know there are still many dark and scary parts to come on this journey, I just hope that I can now look at them a little differently. I now know I have been blessed with the knowledge that I am never alone, and that I can never give up. I know that sometimes there are things that we have to go through. I know that it is not easy for those in heaven to sit back and let us suffer. Sometimes we have to suffer, to realize how strong we are and how strong our faith is.

Friday, August 17, 2007

I am a PhotoShop Junkie

Since I have gotten my new computer, I have discovered PhotoShop. Yes, again I am trying to emerge from the dark ages. The only problem now is that I have to "fix" every picture. But Oh, What Fun It Is!
Soon after I discovered PhotoShop, I discovered Digital Painting. If there were any limited possibilities in PhotoShop, there are absolutely none here. I am completely amazed at all of the different styles you can accomplish with one program. I have found a place that I can order canvas prints, so I am even more excited to have paintings in my house that are not only beautiful, but are close to my heart.
These are the four cousins on Kyle's side that were born in 2001. Two girls, and two boys.

This is a picture I took in Nauvoo. I have always loved the blazing red colors of fall.

Why am I doing this?

I really don't know why I started doing this, but for some reason I can't stay away. I feel like the great-grandma (I say "great" because "grandma" doesn't seem that old anymore) that is just learning to use the remote.
It has already been a crazy, self-searching journey. And this is my first POST! Through life and different circumstances, I have become a very private, almost hermitish person. I don't really like it, so this is my chance to put my heart out there. Laugh, cry, agree, or stomp on it ... do what you have to. I have to do this for me.
I have loved reading Emily's blog, and the others that you can get to. You get to know someone so much better this way. Also, through all of the other links you can visit, you get to know people that you never would have other wise. So if anyone gets this crazy lady coming up to you, acting like she knows everything about you, it could be me. And I do know you - sort of - through your blog. So thank you for putting yourself out there too.